Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
