so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I will be naked everywhere
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
