How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
