Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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