please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
