There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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