my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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