Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
