the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's official drugs can't kill me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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