I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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