Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
