Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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