He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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