i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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