trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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