we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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