I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I've blown a few things in my day
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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