even my farts smell like vagina
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
