Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
