HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just cropdusted the office
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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