dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
