found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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