She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
