Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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