Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
