He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
