I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
