if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He? As in you personified your dick?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Holy shit dude........stairs
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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