I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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