He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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