ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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