did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
