She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
