having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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