oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
sarcasm needs its own font
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
