I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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