Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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