Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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