I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
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