You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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