you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
