I think I won the penis lottery.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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