I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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