I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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