i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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