Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
