I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
