The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
