Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
