i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
