I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
