So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
