3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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