3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
