Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
