Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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