you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
