WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
