Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
